Back to Hanoi or not?

7:36:00 PM
The only thing that can keep you stay in one place is love!

Life isn't meant to be lived in one place but sometimes it hurts so bad to be far away from the city you are falling in love with.

Time does fly! I remember the old days when I was in Hanoi and felt isolated and tired of learning at university. After the flight from Danang to Hanoi last March, I decided to leave Hanoi where unhappiness was around my tiny life and destroyed my soul. At this time, I was relieved to say goodbye to this city. Because I believed that the new and promising adventure ahead would encourage me to trust in my brave decision.

But now, my adventure is coming to an end.

Taking a gap year means I only have one year off school though many times for the last 9 months I wish I could take a gap year forever. The more I grow up, The more I am scared of being grown up.

I only have 2 months and 15 days left to think about if I should stay here or fly back to Hanoi and build my career there. My mentor sent me a message on Facebook several days ago. He offered me a full-time job and told me to collaborate with him on his project. It was such good news to me but you know, good news sometimes contains another side of goodness. Flying back to Hanoi means I need to say goodbye to Saigon, to the people I met and worked with, especially to the man I fell in love though it was just one-sided love. It was just the unrequited love because I never dare to tell my deep feeling to him. It is tortue. It sucks.

When the heart tells me to stay, the head intensely tells me to leave.

I will travel to Bangkok this Lunar New Year and then travel to Myanmar 2 months later. After Myanmar, I will take a flight to Hanoi. I am also waiting for my own book to be published this year. I want to use the rest time at Toong to feel the people here. I want to spend one entire chapter just writing about it, about the special friends I have a chance to work with and to be cherished honestly and completely as the youngest sister in this awesome family. Saying goodbye is never that easy but goodbye is part of the journey and after goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello if you are ready for that.

But the saddest part in life is saying goodbye to someone you wish to spend your lifetime with.

I still don't have enough confidence to tell him that I fall in love with him. Because of age disparity, I accept to forget this deep feeling. Because I know that maybe this relationship can't work out and because my priority is always my career path. I sacrifice the first love to follow my head. I truly feel the pain of falling in love with the right person at the wrong time. I don't know why I love him. He isn't more special than other men out there, he is not that handsome, he isn't that successful but he turns out to be the man that walks into my heart, staying there and bother me in my dreams.

Time will give me the best answer, stay or leave.

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