Maths hater, University hater

Please, please! Don't give me numbers, don't give me charts, don't show me anything related to diagram, graph, map. I see my disability in these things. Or, I no longer feel any interest in them.

The first time
When I was a high school student, I was regarded as one of the most gifted students in maths. I spent at least 2 hours one day doing mathematics exercises, even the hardest one I always encouraged myself to complete by any cost. I used nearly all my savings on books. I didn't know why but whenever I got down to figuring out numbers, resolving maths problems, I felt satisfied with myself. It looked as if time passed by so meaningfully when I wholeheartedly tried to master this subject as well as possible for the next important examination. When I was in high school, I didn't participate in any extra classes. In contrary, most of my friends in this year's grade started to look for advanced courses even when they had just studied the first lessons in the summer. I self-studied three main subjects: English, maths and literature. The teachers, the classmates complimented  me on my self-help ability. I didn't lose one coin for paying extra tuition fee while my friends had to pay about 20 million dong during their courses. Finally, I got 27 points in the university entrance examination.

Entering university is not a real dream that you used to dream before. Apart from something happening obviously as you imagined like active environment, talented students, abundant job opportunities, volunteer programs,... you need to learn right away how to adapt yourself to the sudden change in the fresh new world. The most difficult thing when I got into university was the subjects here. From childhood till 18 years old, I only knew maths, literature, English, science, physics, history, chemistry,... but they mostly disappeared when I entered Foreign Trade University (FTU). In the first year, I had difficulty in understanding macro-economics. I couldn't get what the teacher was conveying or I refused the fundamental knowledge she was trying to give away in 2 hours 30 minutes. During more than 10 years in schoolgirl's lifetime, I never slept on desk, never fell asleep at school though I was seriously sleepless but you see, in those first days in FTU, I couldn't control myself and go on reading other books when the teacher was teaching. I saw sometimes I became a rebellious student in a quiet way. Ending the first school year, I got 3 D grades, It sucks but I never regret for that.

I realise I gradually hate numbers. I hate cramming all the silly stuff into my head. Whenever the examination approaches, I wonder myself why I chose this major, why I go on learning what I hate the most. I can hear the invisible words are roaring in my mind and then they let me down in certain moments. It is a commonplace story that everyone always has her own conflict which is happening within herself. I am not an exception. It is not the first time I have struggled to figure out which road is the best for me right now and in the future. I sit in front of the laptop, thinking about vague things when I have only one day left before going into the exam. 

Thanks to university, I have a great number of kind and wonderful friends. I cannot deny the importance of university in my lifetime because it changes me definitely and creates present me. I feel grateful for that. However, unfortunately, I am not the one who desires to be young in school forever. Sometimes, at certain moments, I wish to go away, alone and do the things I like best. I note down some main hobbies on paper and look at them for a while. I merge them together, turn them into one single thing and then imagine which job can be compatible for me the most. The young should always ask like that. May I take a gap year after finishing the first semester at university? Should I go somewhere else or travel alone to the places I wish to? I should master English properly and then take a korean or german course? I will enrich my writing ability by experiencing more and more, talking to the strangers more, immersing myself into the land I travel or act like some real backpackers...

On whole day, I spend time reading books. When I hear someone say that they are not interested in reading, digesting every chapter in a book, I stop for a while and ask them why. For me, book plays a crucial role in my life, book has changed me periodically, I ensure for that. Maybe right now you don't have a habit of reading but I personally think that one day in the near future I can inspire you to read a book completely. Let's sit down and take a book to read. Perhaps, thanks to this friend, I become a brave and reckless girl who does not care much about what society thinks. Living your own life is busy enough, complaining about others' life is waste of time. 

I feel free when I am me.
I see I am a loner, a real loner who is not lonely. You need to distinguish the difference between alone and lonely. They sometimes look like a twin that has the same appearance but bears different character, but you know, character defines us, not appearance. This post doesn't mean I am a pessimistic person but I am-a-really-optimistic-girl. Sometimes, people let others decide how their life will be but I never let outside effects impose on my life. We was born to become a good person. This good person aforementioned is observed by the world and how to become this good person should be made by you, by your desion.

So now, it is your turn to expose all your facts !

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